TV Dreams

Please take a look at this project by photographer Sara Davidmann and consider completing the transperspective questionaire - thanks.

Sorry, it’s been a while. Lots going on on the work and fun front. I’ll try to keep it chronological to make some sort of sense out of it all.

Monday 7th April: Went over to Gemma’s in the morning to have more electrolysis; this time I switched from removing hair on the back of my hands to my stomach. Yes, unfortunately it does grow there, but not for very much longer.

The reason I didn’t finish off my hands is because of my niece’s wedding on 19th April - I didn’t want the tell-tale red spots attracting too much attention, whereas short of me ripping off my shirt in some sort of wild gesture (about what I don’t know) no-one’s any the wiser about the torso. BTW, my partner doesn’t know about this, but I’m only removing hair from non-contencious areas. It’s like this, we argue about most things. I can’t really say they’re the important things in life either. But it’s how we are and I should be used to it by now, but I’m not. Let’s move on. My partner doesn’t mind me removing hair from certain parts of my body, in fact she waxes my back. She doesn’t mind the backs of my hands, and she doesn’t appear to be bothered by me waxing/shaving my stomach. But the chest, legs and lower arms she’s not very happy about. During the winter she puts up with it and in the summer I let it re-grow - other considerations like family holidays. So I’m working on the basis that permanently removing hair she’s not bothered about isn’t going to upset her sensibilities - we’ll see.

Anyhoos, Gemma removed a grand total of 943 hairs in an hour’s session and as of today I still have the tell-tale red spots - they don’t hurt BTW. In case you’re wondering, the machine she uses does actually count each hair zapped. I’m finding it takes about 4 weeks for the red spots to disappear. The reason you get these spots is that hairs have their own blood supply so removing them ruptures their tiny little blood vessels - at least that what I think she said.

Gemma loves what she does, not just electrolysis but also counselling (she has a PhD in psychotherapy, I believe) and transitional mentoring i.e. guiding TSs through their journey to the ‘other’ side - my words. She often works with her clients liaising with relatives and employers and work colleagues to ensure a smooth transition in the workplace and family. I suspect she’s very good at it. I learnt how she coped with her own transition, but that’s a story for her to tell.

Tuesday 8th April: Went out in Nottingham with Jane and Rachel North. Last minute I managed to get hold of Alan, and somebody called Phil turned up too. We picked up Rachel from her hotel in Bingham and drove into Nottingham’s gay area around Huntingdon Street.

Rachel knew of a Tapas Bar nearby, just down the street from the Lord Roberts pub. It was quite busy, but no-one seemed bothered, or paid us much attention other than our waitress who was not only very pretty but also very attentive. Alan and Phil had to sit there while we ate, baecause they hadn’t realised us girls would be eating out - don’t know what went wrong there!

Phil was a bit quiet, but seemed very pleasant, and I’ve known Alan for years and he’s very easy to get on with. He related his family history, which had connections with Prince John no less - well I did say we were in Nottingham!

Unfortunately as I was driving once we got back to Lincoln, I had to make do with a small glass of red wine. :(

After the meal we tried a few bars, but being a Tuesday everywhere was very quiet. In the end Rachel suggested we go to the New Foresters, a lesbian bar, but that too was empty. Alan had to leave about 10:30 so we walked back to the car with him and Phil, said our goodbyes and took Rachel back to her hotel.

It was still gone midnight before we got back to Jane’s place and as we both had work in the morning I didn’t stop for a cuppa. I thoroughly enjoyed the meal even if the rest of the evening was a bit quiet. Still, next time out in Nottingham is going to be a Thursday so things should be a little more lively. :)

I was due to go out in Lincoln with Jane tomorrow, but it’s my youngest’s parent/teachers evening - never mind, we should be in Lincoln in two weeks time.

BBC 3 commissioned a number of hour long dramas (6 I think) with the idea of making two of them into  serials. I’ve only seen two, Being Human and Mrs. Inbetweeny, both of which seemed to get the thumbs up as the two that should be chosen.

Now I could go over the plot but I’m not going to, because that would spoil it if you haven’t seen it yet - it has been repeated several times including last night, twice. And you can read Lynn Jones comments on her blog

Suffice to say I felt the treatment of the part of Emma/Brendan was refreshingly positive and defiant allowing her to come across with all her associated foibles, very human. And I’m sure the ending will strike a note with a number of our community.

But, I feel, more importantly, how did the public view the performance/treatment of the subject - take a look at this forum. Very positive in the main.

And to round off this post, Christine Burns of Press for change interviewed Amelia Bullmore about the part of Emma/Brendan and how she tackled the challenge. For me, the last 4 minutes were the most interesting, but you’ll just have to listen to the interview to find out why. :)

Rachel (264)

Originally uploaded by rachelw80

I did a photo-shoot with Nikki and Tracey of Trans Femme down in Swindon at the weekend. Long drive, I know, but worth it I think. You can judge for yourself by looking at the photo-shoot collection on Flickr.

I don’t want rabbit on here about all the ins and outs of it, because you can read my ‘blow by blow’ account here. And I was jammy enough to get an interview out of Nikki and Tracey for my site, so you can read that here.

No, I feel the high I’ve been experiencing since the weekend highlights the way women probably feel when they get all dressed up to go out somewhere special. It’s not a sexual thing, although they may feel sexy, but it’s that feeling, an inner glow, like you’re beaming. It’s difficult (for me anyway) to put into words. And it’s a million miles away from some of the stereotypical images the t- world has created.

I’ve long felt that looks shouldn’t matter, but I can’t get over the way these images have made me feel about myself, it’s a bit disconcerting really. I guess, I’ve overlooked the power of self-image - just hope I don’t become too self-obsessed about it all now.

But god does it feel good. It’s times like these when I give myself a nudge to remind myself that I shouldn’t be too critical of my partner and two daughters when they hog the bathroom and en-suite for what seems like hours on end. :)

There’s been a recent post by Siobhan over on tranniefesto.co.uk that struck a few chords with me - it’s all to do with other terms for the word transvestite. It’s well worth reading, but read the comments as well.

It has to be said, my thoughts have changed so many times regarding the whole trans terminology “thing” that I’ve been confused as hell about it all. But…

Here goes. I did like the term T-Girl or tgirl, whatever, because I felt it covered the full spectrum. It’s an all encompassing term I assumed wouldn’t offend anyone. Sometime later I decided it shouldn’t be tgirl but tgurl, because we’re not girls/women (sorry for stating the obvious). After that in the last few months I got to thinking just “gurl” would hit the mark because it says we’re not real girls/women, so no need for the “T”.

In the last few days new experiences have been evolving. On Flickr I added a woman, whose comments struck a cord with me, as a new contact. We got into conversation and because she said she was a bit confused about who was who on my flickrstream I decided to be blunt and say I’m a transvestite. I’m sure she probably knew this. Since then we been chatting and it doesn’t seem to have made a blind bit of difference.

Not only that, it seems female contacts of this woman are now adding me to their contacts list. And you know what, if it’s necessary I’ll just say I’m a transvestite. After all it is the most accurate term that I know of to describe who I am in the context of wearing a dress or whatever.

It seems though that as a community we’re none too keen on the term because of perceived negative connotations, but I think I’m finally getting over that one. In short, I think I can safely say I’m getting to be proud of the term. Obviously, I still choose who I’m going to let on to, but that’s down to family and work circumstances.

Going back to Flickr, I’ve decided not to restrict my social intercourse to other transvestites. I mean, let’s face it, some of the rows that have surfaced of late are becoming incredibly tedious.

I know I can be very slow on the uptake at times, but Siobhan’s recent comments about engaging with the rest of society has struck a new chord with me. Just don’t expect me to make a crusade out of it, coz I’m not or try not to be a political animal - I’m far too apathetic and prefer to keep my head below the ramparts.

However, there is another related issue. Whether to use he or she when referring to ourselves or other transvestites/transexuals. I feel it’s obvious all mtf transexuals ought to be referred to as she/her.

And to be honest I do for transvestites as well if only because it feels weird to me to refer to Rachel as he or him. Yes I know I’m male but it still feels strange to refer to a male as he/him when I’m addressing them by the name they use when dressed as a woman… Hi Rachel, he’s wearing a lovely dress. No, it doesn’t seem to fit.

On the other hand, if we’re not deluding ourselves about the fact that we’re transvestites then logically where’s the problem with referring to ourselves as he/him when dressed. And going a stage further why the need to adopt a female name.

Of course, one reason to do this is to disguise our male identity for fear of public humiliation. Particularly where other family members are concerned. A solution might be to change our first names to a unisex one like Kim, Chris or whatever. Then again questions may be asked as to why we chose to do that.

Clearly I’ll have to think on on the issue of names, but just consider this to be an update on where my thinking is right now. :)

Be a happy transvestite or transexual!