Real Life Test
No I’m not travelling along a TS route to SRS, but I think the title of this post is equally valid for what I’m about to put before you.
You know how it is, sometimes you think about telling friends about your ‘other’ side, and you run through all possible permutations of what you think their reaction might be.
Well, I had the opportunity to do this by proxy with two friends I’d already decided didn’t need to know - they’re friends, but not that close.
We were together in a rural pub, sat at the bar chatting. At least one of my friends (call him P) and I were, the other (call him S) was attending to personal needs.
Then I spotted ‘her’, she walked in and went to the other side of the bar, round a corner and out of site - I thought, “Wow, you’re brave”. She would have been read quite easily, although dressed in everyday clothes. My friend and I continued chatting.
Next thing I know, she’s stood at the side of me at the bar, I have my back to her, and she’s saying to my friend, “Don’t worry, I don’t bite.”. My friend paused, and then blanked her, carried on talking to me. She moves away, goes back to her seat.
Later, when S is sat next to me at a table, he points and says, “Is that a man?”. “Yup”, I say. He didn’t seem too impressed. P then says, “I don’t know what you’d call it. The hair, clothes and makeup are definitely ‘woman’, but the 7 O’Clock shadow and deep voice is a man.”. Then he mentions her earlier comment about not biting and said he thought of telling ‘him’ to f*ck off, because ‘he’d’ butted in on our conversation.
Obviously, I wasn’t going to jump in and say I was a transvestite, but it was interesting to be privy to their reactions. Of course, on another occasion, had I told them I may not have received the same reaction - whilst not hostile, certainly mildly disapproving.
There is more to this account, but I’m feeling paranoid so I’ll not be writing about it here. Several days later the transvestite came up in conversation with my friends and their partners and again the reaction wasn’t hostile, but neither was it encouraging. More a case of they felt the person was a bit of a joke.
But I am glad I witnessed their reactions. It does seem we have a long way to go in terms of acceptance, but at least I don’t think the public in general are that phased by us any more.
Interestingly, yesterday, a female client probably in her late fifties/early sixties asked me what I thought about the FTM transexual who’d had a baby because he’d left the reproductive organs in place. She thought it was wrong. She went on to say she had every respect for transexuals because a friend of hers had had SRS, MTF. She told me she’d witnessed the anguish and how these people really didn’t have much of a choice, and how brave they are to deal with what society throws at them. Again I kept my mouth shut.
Interesting times.
on July 5th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
It sounds like your friends although not hostile felt insecure with the situation and delt with it in the default mode of ‘matcho’. The fact that they had to ask “is that a man?” suggests doubt. However the reason given if she was to be told to ‘go away’ was interupting your conversation, and not because she was a t-person.
Perhaps you can gather a positive from that Rachel.
on July 6th, 2008 at 8:57 am
Uncomfortable maybe, but not insecure - that’s my ‘take’ anyway.
I totally agree that ‘P’ would have been motivated to tell her to go away because of the interruption and not because of any t-issues.
Also, because they know me, if I came out to them my guess is they’d probably indicate it was no big issue, but whilst they are good friends I don’t feel particularly close to them.
on July 6th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Being in the closet to your mates and co-workers is an interesting experience. You hear and see alsorts of things I think they wouldn’t say if you’d told them who you are.
Is it deception or are we just chosing to hold back? After all - and as you say - do they really need to know? What affect would telling them have on the friendship.
I wonder if the “don’t bite” comment was an attempt at a humourous line if your friend had been staring.
For what it’s worth I think the public aren’t that bothered really. They have more pressing matters to worry about and media attention - both the good and the bad - has worn down the shock value of seeing a tranny. Course, there will always be the odd one who can’t leave it alone for whatever reason, but hopefully that level of scorn will go against ‘the done thing’.
on July 15th, 2008 at 9:14 pm
My only experiences in the workplace with anything like this involved a new hire, a lesbian. Ostracized by most, she and I were quite good friends until she transferred elsewhere so she could go dayshift. Listening to the things that were said behind her back that they daren’t say to her face was a very saddening experience, and those were only the ones I overheard by accident, as most of the ones who mouths were working overtime clammed up if they knew I was around.
After her bid to another team she actually had a team leader who would walk up behind her when no one could hear and tell her she deserved to be dead, etc.. When the Union told her it was her word against his, I suggested she pick up a microcassette recorder to stick in her coverall pocket, which indeed did succeed in settling the situation once she caught him on tape…
Here, though, the same type of things go on among racists as well.
It’s sad that we can find so many ways to distance ourselves from others while we complain of the loneliness in the world!
alan
on July 16th, 2008 at 1:01 pm
Lynn: you’re right, whatever happened to privacy? No, my friend wasn’t staring, but yes I do think it was an attempt at humour.
Alan: It’s amazing how small-minded the human race can be at times. So no surprises there, then?
on July 29th, 2008 at 8:13 am
It can come as a surprise what people will say when they feel they don’t have to bite their lip. Then again I think if friends have to filter their conversations so as to avoid saying something out of turn they’d slip up eventually, showing their true colours. But then it needn’t be a bad thing in the long-term. Preconceived ideas can be turned around ;-)
My most recent experience mingling with muggles reminded me just how much of a non-issue this life of ours is to them (at least those who are still feeling young enough to go to dance music clubs), so maybe a lot of this will get easier with time as the bigoted, ignorant dinosaurs become extinct. I don’t think it’ll ever go away entirely but here’s hoping!