February 2004
11/02/04 - Having arranged with Melissa (you'll see her at the Yahoo Group Foxy Friends) to meet with her and few others at The International Hotel near Manchester's Gay Village I made a special effort to get over early to my friends in Glossop to change.
Mind you there was another item on the agenda. I'd seen a wig on the Transformation web site that looked good and came at a very reasonable price. So the idea was to change in Glossop, head off to the Transformation shop in Bury to try the wig before meeting Melissa and the girls.
I left myself just enough time to get there before 8pm when the shop closed, but due to the roads having been moved around (I swear) I got lost and had to abandon the trip.
This meant I was late and eventually met up with the girls in Taurus, a club, bar and restaurant at the top end of Canal Street.
A month and a half later I can only remember a few of their names! Melissa, Debbie, Linda and Jacqui. There were two more girls but for the life of me I can't recall their names - sorry!
Anyway the meal was lovely, or what I had of it, a greek salad, because I talked too much! Mainly to Debbie as our professional lives are very similiar.
After the meal we moved onto Churchill's, for a drink and a bop. The drag DJ was very accommodating (don't take that the wrong way!) and played Melissa and Debbie's requests, which soon got them dancing - and can they dance!
Next stop, the basement at Via Fossa where Melissa and Debbie went up a gear in Bop mode. The rest of us propped up the bar. As I was driving this meant tonic water, never mind.
Finally, the evening came to an end in Napolean's, surprise, surprise. By now my three and three quarter inch strappy black leather sandals were giving me serious grief and had to be removed. Seeking a bar stool I retired gracefully to chat to anyone who passed me by.
I forget what time I got back to Glossop and crawled into bed, but it was late enough not to bother removing make-up. yes, I know, tut-tut.
12/02/04 - I remember thinking the night before how disappointed I was not to have made it to Transformation. The whole idea was that I could travel dressed, under cover of darkness, to the shop where I would be able to see the effect of the wig with full make-up and outfit.
The thought of going out in daylight in Rachel mode had always filled me with dread and even though I've been going out since 1997 it has always been under cover of darkness.
So, after much trepidation I decided to risk it. Visions of the neighbours coming out of their houses as I was leaving and rolling about in hysterical laughter didn't exactly fill me with confidence.
But the urge to try the wig prevailed. So, off came last night's make-up and on went a fresh lot - I choose a light and medium brown eye shadow as I felt this would go with the brown wig. I don't have a brownish blusher so I was stuck with my standard bourjois pink.
For clothes I decided on my medium tan leather trousers and black top with frilly collar and a nice warm, woolly, long length cardigan in black, with bright primary colour patches on the front, brunette wig, and a sensible pair of two and a half inch black suede court shoes.
Now for leaving the house! Funny how visions come to pass, or partially anyway. As I was turning the car around the lady from next door came out and walked up the road, but didn't give the car a second glance - phew!
First of all I drove through Glossop to get to the M66. Having stopped at several pelican crossings I noticed that people very rarely give drivers the once over, and I never felt I'd been sussed.
With my confidence growing, and my nerves settling down to a simmer I noticed a man trying to cross the busy road in front of me (this was veryt slow moving traffic) so decided to beckon him across the road.
He responded by crossing and waving an acknowledgment - no double-take. I was getting to like this!
On arrival in Bury I parked round the corner from the shop, probably 300 yards away. The next challenge. I sat in the car making sure I had all my necessary bits, heart pounding just a liitle bit more than it should have been.
Oh well, I got out, locked the door and headed off. The first thing I noticed was what seemed to be the far too loud "click-clacking" of my heels. Now, I know some girls think this sound is wonderful, but to me right then I wanted to be as inconspicuous as possible! Also, thew right shoe was slipping so I had to concentrate hard on not losing it.
Anyway, with a hundred yards to go I had to pass an Estate Agents and a post office. The post office had people coming and going and even passing within a few feet of these people nobody seemed to notice me - whoa feel the confidence rising!
After entering the shop I was offered the obligatory cup of coffee, which was gratefully accepted. This I drank while waiting for an assistant to become available, leafing through their catalogues. I have to say quite a lot of the items seemed over-priced compared to shopping in "normal" shops, but set against this is the convenience and comfort factor for those girls not confident enough to shop in said "normal" outlets.
As I said earlier, the wig I had seen on the Internet was only £45.00 so this was no "rip-off". Mind you, when the assistant showed it to me on the shelf it looked nothing like the picture, which was very disappointing, but the one nect to it was fabulous and I fell immediately in love with it - brunette, two-tone, with highlights, just above the shoulders and flicked out at the edges - £120.00!
I decided I had to try both. First, my original choice. This looked OK and two shop assistants thought I could carry it off, but when the second one went on that was it! You couldn't stop me grinning like the proverbial "Cheshire Cat". The decision was made and the purse dented far more seriously than anticipated - but worth every penny.
I paid and the shop assistant wrapped my original wig for me. We had a natter about make-up and she complimented me on how naturally I'd applied mine. We discussed blusher and she suggested I called into Boots for some Number 17 "Bronze Balls". I thanked her, Debbie I think her name was, and returned to the car - still with that smile on my face.
I felt fantastic, the wig had made all the difference and my confidence was sky-high. So now I made a mental plan of action for the rest of the day!
First, I would return to my friend's house, touch up, go back into Glossop to Boots. Next, I'd go and see Helena where she worked in Glossop (I'd been invited on earlier occasions, but didn't have the confidence to do it). I phoned Helena before leaving her house to check it was OK, which it was.
I forgot to mention that when I arrived back at Helena's there was a chippie working outside the neighbour's house and I had to get into the house. By this time I just felt that if I was sussed, so what - I felt GOOD!
Again, I don't think he noticed me. Same again on leaving the house to go into Glossop.
I parked in the train station car park, took my time and walked down the hill to the main street. Keeping that right shoe on was proving a challenge and I made a mental note to get another pair for future shopping trips.
Now my confidence was definitely on an upward curve, so I deliberately crossed the road in order to walk past a busy shopping mall entrance, with a bus-stop right outside - it was busy. But again no odd looks (that I noticed). I don't believe for a minute that I pass on close scrutiny, but folk just don't seem to notice, too pre-occupied with their own lives I reckon.
I arrived at Boots and a gentleman (I use the term loosely) arrived at the same time but didn't allow me to go in first, but neither did I get that "second glance" either.
Well, I don't know how other girls feel about shopping in T-Girl mode, but it was so much easier being able to look at the ranges of make-up, taking my time and not feeling self-conscious like I would be when in male mode. So liberating!
Well, I couldn't find the "Bronze Balls" Debbie was telling me about, so I went to the counter to ask. Having no illusions about my voice I was a little nervous as to how the assistant would react, but any reservations were unfounded. I couldn't detect a flicker in her eyes and she came to look for me. When she discovered that particular colour of blusher was out of stock she suggested I called back the next day as they would be in stock by then.
I've decided that if dressed appropriately people most "normal" people aren't going to cause a fuss, and will treat you with courtesy - oh well, later trips out in daylight may dosaprove this theory, but having the confidence does seem to be the key - and for me the confidence came from my new wig so there we go.
On the way back to the car, I think one girl in her twenties may have spotted me, because she leaned over to a male friend and said something, but I didn't catch what it was.
Next, onto Helena's workplace. I opened the door and Helena was on reception, with three other girls. It seemed quite busy so we went outside to talk. She loved the new hair style and said how much she thought it suited me - again into "Cheshire Cat" mode. Wow, was I feeling good!
Well, work beckoned so I said cherio and went back to change for the trip home. Again I walked straight past the chippie.
And that was my T-Girl day - a landmark day, and many threshold moments.
I'm now convinced it's all in the mind, but of course it can only happen when a T-Girl is ready, and sadly that moment may never come for some of us.
Afterall, look at me - a few years ago I never thought I'd go out after dark, and now I've done it in daylight. So, I just hope any T-Girl reading this finds it helpful, but appreciates we're all different and have to find our own way in our own time.
So, bye for now from a very happy girl!
P.S. I'm going to add piccies later when I have more time! Ciao